Tonight's soundtrack is brought to you by Wynton Marsalis. I started out listening to Boyz II Men but I found myself singing along and not concentrate on what I was typing, so a change was necessary. As I type this though, I believe this is not the right music for my mood so I am going to switch to Cesaria Evora... Ah, much better! The song Petit Pays does something to me every time I listen to it.
Today marks the official end of my 65 day juice cleanse and I can't pin point one single lasting feeling. I am hella proud of myself for completing it. I don't think I ever doubted myself when I started but I was not so sure of myself before I started it. As I type this, I am filled with extreme pride in myself...I did it! I am as strong as I know I am and stronger than I ever imagined I could be. I have to say it again so that it can sink in: I went 65 days on fruit and vegetable juice (except for the occasional soup/broth) and did not let myself get tempted by food! I am nostalgic about my cleanse coming to an end. I am scared of what is to come and having to make the right decisions about food. I am scared of ending up back where I started. I am scared this euphoric feeling won't last... Enough! No more negativity. I just completed a 65 day juice cleanse and I am proud of myself. I is kind. I is beautiful. I is important and I is strong. This cleanse proves that I can do anything I set my mind to. The only thing that can and will stop me is me. I went on this journey because I wanted to reset the relationship I had with food. I grew up eating 3 meals a day with no dessert and only drank sugary drinks on special occasions. When I started this cleanse, I had to have dessert after eating and while I had cut out sugary drinks, not long before that, water was the occasional and often absent liquid in my life. I did not know how to portion control, did not know what to eat or how much to eat. I alternated between starving myself and over feeding my body. While I did not prep properly for the juice cleanse, the decision to embark on the arduous journey was the result of a realization over a 4 month period that I needed to do better with my life. While I know that all the issues I had before the cleanse have not magically disappeared, I feel more confident about confronting and dealing with them, after all I just completed a 65 day juice cleanse! The FAQ I have been getting are:
Q - Do you feel different?
A - Honestly, I don't. I have read about people feeling lighter, having more energy, clearer skin and clearer thoughts. I have always had tons of energy albeit lazy and I have great skin so there was nothing to measure there. For a while, I felt disappointed that I was not reaching the same higher plane of consciousness some extended juice cleansers were attaining but I have learnt that to each her own and no two journeys will be alike. Besides, I ended up spending more energy stopping myself from eating my co-workers that I did not have time to focus on anything else... You know what? After typing this up I thought about it some more and I have to admit I do feel differently; mentally, I feel stronger. Instead of talking myself out of situations, I can remind myself that I accomplished a near impossible feat to many and conquered it!
Q - How much weight did you lose?
A - While I did not start this cleanse with the sole intention of losing weight, unfortunately it became one of my primary focuses towards the end of the cleanse; the more I lost the more I focused on it I became. In all the years I have been trying to lose weight, I have never had a magic number in mind as I figured I would know when I looked in the mirror. And now 40+ pounds later, the mirror is still silent. A friend once told me to pick an athlete whose body I would like to model myself after and I chose Serena Williams as I believe we have the same body type and this is even more apparent as while I lost 40+ pounds, my hips and butt stayed put while my boobies ran away! ( I am in indefinite mourning for my boobies!)
Q - What is going to be your hugest change post cleanse?
A - As mentioned in a previous post, I had considered becoming a vegan but I have decided instead to simply focus on consuming 90% plant-based nutrition with 10% left for whatever I so choose. At this time I won't be consuming any meat (animal flesh) and shall do so indefinitely at this time. I don't have any rousing speeches against anyone who chooses to consume meat nor do I mind anyone doing so around me, I simply choose not to do so.
Q - What is going to be your first meal?
A - Someone asked if I was going to go on a binge. I hoped they were joking but they looked serious. No I am not going to go on a binge and honestly as I type this right this moment, I do not know that I am going to break fast when I wake up. While the plan was to break fast tomorrow I have to admit that I am scared. It seems like my cleanse and I have almost melded identities; I have been doing it for so long that ending it feels like I am losing something (in addition to my beloved boobies). At work everyone knows me as the girl who does not eat, I have gotten used to thinking about what juice to drink or where to go for a juice fix when I am hungry that the thought of figuring out food is scary. I love to cook and I missed it so much that I was very much looking forward to cooking again but now that the time has come, I am apprehensive! Several books I read advised that if I did not feel ready, to continue with the fast until I was and as of now that is what I shall do. So while my 65 day fast is officially over as today is the day I originally chose to end it, I may not be eating today so stay tuned to tonight's post.
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